Am I dodging a bullet??

So, it's the night before I go back to court, it's no big deal this time round, just going to have it adjourned which means put off to a later date so we can build the case, get reports done, get references etc. My solicitor has a defence to put together, it is based on me not being "mentally fit" at the time of the crime which broke my bond.

While I believe this defence is completely truthful and valid, given my desire at the time to go to jail or simply die, I find myself struggling with it. Here is my defence solicitor saying that this a defence that could avoid me doing time, and I don't know how comfortable I am with it.

The question for me is this: am I dodging responsibility for my actions by putting forward this defence (even though it is a truthful one) or are these feelings based on me, as a person, seeking to have to do 'something' to make up for my mistakes? Is taking responsibility somehow voided by me avoiding punishment.

Now, I know the first response is to draw comparisons to the Grace of God here, but after a few seconds of thought, we can see that though my emotions may reflect the dilemma we each face with being forgiven by our faith in Jesus, avoiding jail time by means of a good defence is not really comparable to the Grace of God.

So, what should I do? Are these crazy thoughts, and should I just relax and let the courts play out their process utilising every truthful and valid defence available to me or should I just accept my punishment without trying to lessen or avoid it?

Truly, I would appreciate your thoughts on this. Either post them here or email me privately if you prefer.

As for the court tomorrow, it's more or less just turn up and ask to come back at a later date. I will post after I have been there and let you all know what is going on.

At 8:00pm tonight (Wednesday), I received the following text message on my phone:

"23 Korean Christian missionaries kidnapped by Taliban in Afghanistan. Kidnappers say they'll start killing them by 11:30pm eastern time tonight if demands are not met. Please pray for our brothers and sisters who are in the line of death. Please pray that God would move or somehow turn the situation."

In light of this, it's hard for me to really be too worried about my situation....