The Past Comes Back and Bites!

In March 2005 I finalized a court case relating to my illegal drug activities. My sentence was a suspended sentence of 9 months imprisonment with a 12 month good behavior bond. What this means is that the court held off sending me to jail (9 month term) on the condition that I commit no crime for a period of 12 months.

In November 2005 I participated in defrauding a government department of a fairly small amount of money. I am not providing an explanation here beyond the following: I was not mentally well, I was selfish and I truly didn’t care. Above all, I was spiritually dead.

It was early January 2006 when I committed my life to our Lord and started a new life in him.
Late 2006, the fraud was detected and I was questioned by investigators about it. I could have possibly avoided all this by denying any part in it, no one would have known, no one except for me and God. If I am to truly claim to be a different person, changed by the grace of God, my life needs to reflect this. So, I confessed my part in it and co operated with the investigation. I have commenced repayment of the money. In May 2007 a decision was made by them to prosecute me.

I attended court Thursday, 28 June 2007. Here it became evident that I was in breach of my good behavior bond (by committing a crime within the 12 month period) and as such I am now facing 9 months imprisonment. While there is a certain level of discretion the court can exercise, it appears that the best case scenario will be 9 months of weekend detention, while a worst case scenario will be a 9 month full time incarceration. I am going back to court 26 July 2007 for sentencing. Over the next four weeks a pre sentence report will be compiled by the Department of Probation and Parole which will provide recommendations for sentencing. I am hoping that my church can provide me with an updated reference showing my life since my involvement with church.

In all of this, my concerns are not what people may think. I am not worried about going to prison – I deserve to. I foolishly committed the crime and as such, will face my punishment, holding my head high in the certain fact that in spite of my past, I am a follower of Jesus of Nazareth, the Christ, and a chosen child of God. From him I will draw my strength and my comfort. In no way does any of this challenge or shake my faith and trust in the goodness and faithfulness of our Lord. I have been forgiven, but there are still consequences for my actions. I am prepared to face these.

My concern in this is for my church. I do not wish to hide all this for my own benefit but am not sure what is best for the church. I do not want to be the source of gossip or a distraction from the true purpose of church. In saying this, I also do not want to affect the good name of my church with the wider community. As such, I am offering my removal from membership, leadership and endorsement of me to Bible College. In making this offer, I do not see it as being abandoned by the church as I know I can rely on their ongoing spiritual and prayerful support. I have asked them to consider this offer seriously and consider the implications to the church of my ongoing involvement and endorsement.

Obviously my fiance Nicole is fully aware of my situation and I am grateful to God for blessing me with such a partner. She will continue to stand by me and support me. Our plans to marry are unchanged although the timing may need to be looked at once sentence is passed.

I am not ashamed of how I have conducted myself in this. I also don’t wish that I could change anything in my life because God will use it all to his glory. I can not pick and choose the bits and pieces of my life that I wish to use in serving our God. If it would serve even one person at church, I would be prepared to stand up out the front and explain it to the congregation myself. And if one persons life can be impacted in jail by me going, then I thank God he will send me.

I remember closing my testimony before my baptism with:

““ For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith-and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God.-not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God’s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.” (Ephesians 4:8-10)

So, since coming to God, what’s it been like? Well, everyday starts the same – I thank God I am alive and I ask Him the same question:

God, How can I serve you today?”

This is as true for me now as it ever was or will be.