The report

It's the morning of getting the psych evaluation done, will be leaving soon to go to Sydney for it.

It's going to be a wierd experience and I'm not looking forward to it. I think the doctor, in order to evaluate my mental state at the time, will be causing me to think back pretty intensively about it. While I know in whom my trust is placed and that I am a changed person by the Grace of God, it's still not going to be pleasant. I've been thinking about it the last few days and not getting much sleep over it.

I'll be revisiting feelings of worthlessness, anger, hate and suicide - not really encouraging stuff for the christian walk. On top of thinking about it, I will need to articulate and explain my self destructive hate and anger to the world to this doctor in a way for him to have an accurate picture of what was going on in my life. It's emotionally hard work and I really don't want to do it...

...but I will, because that's what God has called me to do.

I probably am overthinking it all, but the after effects of revisiting, emotionally, that time in my life will probably affect me, at least for a little while.

I know I'm not making much sense, and I have considered not posting this. I mean, why am I writing all this here, now? I guess I'm just asking for prayer: prayer that God will encourage, no, carry me through this today and beyond.

I'll post later tonight after it's all been done and let you know how it went. Maybe God will surprise me and it will all be easy - probably not!

God bless you and keep us all in his care.