Well, you figure it out!

Ever have a story that didn't end like it was supposed to? Welcome to my world.

For the past several months, this court issue has been looming over me. I have tried to put on the brave front and say I am trusting God - which I have been. But, it has been stressful. It has been hard. And it has been day in day out, me trying to live out my faith in a true honest way all while facing the very real prospect of going to jail. As I have said a lot of times, I am not being persecuted for my faith. But I am being prosecuted because of how I live out my faith. On top of this, I believe God has been teaching me and watching how I handle myself - how I apply my faith or how I live it out. I recently learned this concept of situational ethics and I have noted how full our lives are of it. The basic idea as I understand it, is how do we live when no-one is looking. How do we apply this man Jesus and His fathers message of salvation and the 1000 odd pages of the bible to our lives here and now? I guess that's what this blog is really all about....

Well, like all good Hebrew stories, I will explain it in the form of beginning - middle - beginning. No I didn't mistype it, you read it right, beginning - middle - beginning. There is no end. But more on that later. To re-cap...

I committed a crime to breach a bond. I was questioned. I chose the way of truth and landed myself being prosecuted for it. I could have lied, but really - no, if I am serious about my faith, no I couldn't. I followed Christ's teaching and told the truth.

I did what I had to do in preparing my defence. As Joshua sent out the spies to do his bit to secure the victory, I too did my part in God's plan. I got references, did a psych report, learned about the law as it applied to my case. I did all I could to give the best possible opportunities for which God's will to work it's way through.

I continued to live my life. God rules my life. I am convinced he doesn't open doors, he just closes them. So I kept on walking up to the doors, turned the handle, and if it opened - I just walked on through to the next ones. God had a few locked, but many he allowed me to walk through. We got engaged, I planned different ministries, I stepped up to leadership, all because God didn't say No. I just kept pushing the doors, and he kept them opening.

I was told last time at court that I was facing jail. To me, God was watching, seeing what I would do. After some consideration, I believe I acted responsibly and removed myself from a few TITLES at church etc. I made plans to face my fate and prepared those around me for what lie ahead.

Above all, I trusted in God. I'm either with him or I'm not. I decided I was. No matter what He had in store for me was OK with me. Sure, sometimes we fought. I have yelled at him and done my share of fist waving in anger of the path he laid before me. But in the end, I always came back repentant asking for forgiveness for challenging his will or demanding things of him. With humility I came to a place of total acceptance of his plan for me. I learned more about God through the study of his word, particularly Ecclesiastes and Job. I didn't stop living because God didn't tell me to stop.

And so today, I went to court to face up to my responsibility as I feel we are called to do. I was in a bit of a silly mood this morning and it drove Nicole crazy. I took my daughter, Alexis to pre-school and told her I loved her as all good dads do. Then we headed off to court.

Once there, I met with my solicitor. We talked for a while. He told me I already knew - I was going to jail, no way around it. I asked him to do two things - make sure the judge knew about my mental state and reason for the crime, and ask him, the judge, to not send me to jail. My solicitor looked confused and said "Ok, I'll try. But you know you are going to jail don't you." I nodded. In my heart, I knew I was going to jail.

So, at 12:15 we entered the court room. Me, Nicole, Sarah, Rod, Brenton and Steve. All knowing I was going to jail, all praying and hoping that it would all go well and that it would only be weekend detention. But we were wrong.

At 3:00pm, no one was left. Just my case and the judge called it. I stepped to the front and took my seat. The judge, who earlier made it clear that he was very aware of my name greeted me with a glare. To cut the next hour and a bit down to a brief few lines - my solicitor did as I had requested. He directe the judge to the "previously assumed useless" psychiatric report. He only wanted the judge to read 2 lines, but the judge read the lot, all 24 pages. My solicitor asked for me to not go to jail. After quite some time the judge pondered....

...then agreed. The offence, in the eyes of the law, never happened. It was deemed that even though I did breach my bond, it would not be fair, given my mental state which caused me to breach it, for me to serve the sentence. He then moved to the actual offence and decided to record no verdict, no record of it ever happening. I am on a good behaviour bond for 12 months. But the crime I committed will never be on my record if I do not breach my good behaviour bond.

We were wrong. I'm not going to jail. There is no punishment beyond $118 court costs for my crime. I obviously have to pay back the money I stole, but that's not punishment. I walked from court a free man. A free man who recognises his total dependance on the Grace of God given because of the death of Jesus on a cross for my sins. You see, we are back where this all began, where everything begins, in total dependance on God. This is not about me, or my blessing or some special prayer or some balance of good and evil. This is not about being lucky or clever or God being faithful like I deserve it somehow. It's not even about praying hard enough or having enough people pray.

No, it is complete dependance on God to do what God wants. It is about how we respond to this, not what God does to reward us or to reinforce how good we have been. For what have I really done beyond what God has asked me to do? NOTHING. He said obey - so I obey. He said pray - so we prayed. He said repent - so I repent. He said trust me to be faithful - and I paused for a bit, ummed and arrrred, then I trusted (right after repenting again!).

God did not reward me or bless me cause of something I did that made him "keep his end of the deal". No. God did what God does - his will. And it just so happens that this time it happened to be a really good outcome. But I want you all to realise and to know - had I been sent to jail today, full time away from my wife to be, away from my daughter, away from church and friends, God would still be receiving my praise. For in Him I find everything I need, and apart from Him, nothing I need exists.

Thank you for sharing this journey with me. It's not over. But my prayer is that in time, I am able to share in your journey as you have in mine.

For me, the biggest lesson in all of this has been that what really counts is the stuff only you and God know. THAT secret, or THAT thought. You know them, and He knows them. How you live your life when no one but you and God can see is the real test of faith. My prayer is that we all might live every minute as if it were the last one before He comes again. Open up, take a risk, share a bit, live bit and most of all - love a lot.

God is good, He is a great God whom I am pleased and honoured to serve.