God is a great God whom I am pleased to serve!

Today was my day in court, supposedly the end of it. Looking back, I’m not sure today went the way I would have planned it. But that’s kind of the whole point, it all belongs to God and He controls it.

At court, I was overwhelmed by the love and support shown by a number of people from both mine and Nicole’s Bible Study Groups. 5 support people, plus my uncle who made the trip down for support. I suddenly became aware that in a place where most people attend alone with only a few having 1 or 2 support people, here I was being loved to the point of embarrassment! There were 2 or 3 others that also offered to come but we politely thanked them and said not to worry about it. This ministry of just “being there” constantly assured us of God’s unconditional love. It’s not what they did or didn’t say, it was how they completely joined us in it. They weren’t there just helping us go through it, each person was going through it with us. To share in a person’s life as these friends did with ours today was such a blessing that I can not explain it.

After a delay once we were in the courthouse, I met with a lady who told me she was my representative for the day. Actually what she said was,

“Hi, you’re Liam? Ok, hi Liam. This Dr’s report, great doctor who did a fantastic report, but we can’t use this defence because you aren’t still sick. I’m trying to sort out some dispute over the amount of money Medicare are now asking for, but, umm.. you’ve been deemed suitable for weekend detention right? Uhh, yep, here it is. Ok, good. Well, let’s hope we can get it through on this. Wait here, I’ll be back in a bit…”

That was it. 20 seconds and my day changed. What did it mean? Well, let me translate (I got more info in dribs and drabs over the next hour or so):

· Because I was no longer psychotic, this mental health defence did not apply. Sure I was mentally unwell when the offence occurred, but as soon as you get better, well, then you can take responsibility for it. Not sure where I stand on this, but we’ll move on…

· Medicare, in spite of my acknowledgement and confession of my part in the crime (50%) and me offering all I could about my accomplice, because they are unable/unwilling to track this person down, they appear to think it is ok to re-negotiate my level of guilt in this even though they signed an acceptance of my offer of paying back my portion of the proceeds. Again, not sure how comfortable I am with this either but…

· With the mental health defence out, and an admission of guilt (which as a Godly man I stand by) I definitely am in unquestionable breach of my previous good behavior bond. This suspended sentence was for 12months imprisonment with a non-parole period of 9 months. A suspended sentence has next to no discretion for the judge who has to deal with it in a case such as mine. I have been deemed suitable for weekend detention so that becomes a best case scenario. There is no longer a question of IF I spend time in jail, just in what way. It will “probably” be weekends only, but “probably” as a descriptor hasn’t been that good for me in this case. It will mean I show up Friday afternoons to go to jail, then get let out Sunday night – at least that’s what I think. I’ll be finding more out in the next few days.

The argument over the amount to be repaid continued and because a signed piece of paper being back at the “Medicare office” with the arrangement of the amount on it, the case has been adjourned for 2 weeks to sort that out. So, when it all finishes on 29/11 the sentence for this crime, on it’s own, will be probably a $500 fine. The breaking of the bond is the bad part. If it is weekend detention, it starts that weekend. If it is full time incarceration, it starts that day…..

But I have been thinking a lot over the last few days about the phrase “giving it to God” or “trusting in God” and my favorite - “God’s will”. I made some interesting observations about them.

I asked a few people if they would say “God is a great God whom I am pleased to serve” if they were in my shoes and got let off, set free and could just walk away? A loud confident “Yes” was the reply.

Then I asked if they would say the same OR would they ask God “what am I being punished for?” if they had to go to jail? Their silence was louder than their previous “Yes”. My thoughts were the same. I think there is this vision of serving God and of life with him as being good. “His will” is all the good things that come and are intended for us and all the ‘bad stuff’, well, that’s the consequence of sin, God being asleep or God punishing/teaching us.

I hope I don’t offend anyone but – I don’t buy it. I believe God has determined this for me from the beginning of time and I’m either on board or I’m not. “His will” is not subject to my opinion or judgment, He doesn’t need to explain anything to me (need proof? have a read of Job!) Having come to this realization, I determined that Yes, I was on board. Don’t care which way the car went as long as God is driving. None of us like back seat drivers with their “I would have gone a different way” or “I know this short cut” or “you’re a little too far too the right” do we. Yet how many of us say we will let God drive, yet always try and tell him how he should be doing it?

Back to the way things are going with court….

So it is just a matter now of weekends or fulltime. And, it’s not what I would have planned. I would much rather have been able to include this in my testimony as a “God comes to the rescue” type of story, but it’s not looking that way. Still, I’m excited and yes, God is a great God whom I am pleased to serve, and in my heart I now know I mean it. Sure, it will be hard, it’s got huge implications in my personal life with Nicole and Alexis. Let’s face it – no one wants any year of their marriage spent doing weekend detention let alone their first. And I can’t even begin to explain the nerves based around this type of verdict coming just 2 weeks before the wedding day! Maybe I do go to jail full time and the wedding has to be postponed. What if that’s God’s point – we arrange this wedding so that we are forced to explain to everyone who is invited, Christian and non Christian, that I have gone to jail because if I am serious about my faith, then I take responsibility for my actions of the past. I hear you thinking it – “God wouldn’t do that! He’s not like that!” Why isn’t he? Because WE think that isn’t fair? If that’s your thought then are you a back seat driver too?

With regards to church, given the sentence, I am removing myself as a “recognized” Bible Study Leader (though I will continue to equip and support Steve in his leading of the group); I will step down from Men’s Ministry and Outreach Committee and I am removing my previously expressed interest in pursuing the Court Chaplaincy and the Cell Church Plant. Also, I will be removing myself from the rosters of the church services. All this is until my sentence is completed. I will still wish to continue to study, though I will be discussing it with them. Part of the study criteria involves active participation in a local church congregation, and I don’t see how that will happen to the standard I think is expected. I will keep you advised on how this progresses.

I believe this stepping down from positions with titles actually means nothing with God or my church and how they view me. It is purely for the way it could look to the not-yet saved who would only see a bible study leader going to weekend detention. On paper, that’s not helpful in our witness to the world given that they don’t know the details of this all.

Fairly quickly, I feel it is important for me to disclose to the church what is going on. Nicole and I are taking steps to make it known at her workplace in the near future as well. I maintain I have nothing to be ashamed of in this as I have conducted myself befitting the expectation of one professing a faith in Christ throughout the whole case. How this will come about will require some prayer and input from a few different people, but to live a transparent life is far easy than not. Believe me, after living much of my life in secret and shame, the relief you get from just sharing your burdens is so fresh. Not to mention that people can’t gossip if everyone knows all about it.

I have been reflecting - It is not because of my faith I am being persecuted. I understand that. But, it is because of how I live out my faith, how I try to strive to be the person God wants me to be, that’s why I face this. As a non-Christian, I could have just denied it all and the evidence they have would not have been sufficient for them to proceed with the case. I know that now and I knew that then. The other party involved will probably never have to answer for this in this world and truly, I can not even consol myself with the thought of her worrying about it. She wouldn’t give it any thought. But should her response influence mine? No, I don’t think so. I am doing what is right simply because it is right and God has made that known to me.

And yes, this is all hard, at times, very hard. I’m human. This disrupts my marriage, my time with my daughter, time with my church, ministry, my family and friends. All that is hard and there are a lot of emotions that come with it. But from our God, through his word and abundantly through our church, I feel loved and supported, I receive the strength I need to stand firm not just in my faith, but also in the living out of my faith. Trusting God starts in the first steps outside our comfort zone. Get brave, go for a few steps outside your comfort zone to a place where you have nothing but your trust in God to rely on. It’s harder than you might think, but the reward is far greater than you can imagine. When He helps you through the cold sweats, anxiety and uncertainty of doubting if you going to be ok, then you get to a place of rest. A place of peace in your heart that you know the true trusting in his faithfulness, God’s rest. It is what the bible refers to as shalom.

For the role that each person has played in this journey so far, I thank you for making yourselves available to God to do his work. I know I can continue to rely on you for prayerful support.

My prayer for you all is the same – may God grant you the desire to take a few steps outside your comfort zone where true faith in him is tested and assured. May He grant you shalom by you realizing how He great he is and knowing you can always rely on his love.